For decades, the “cry it out” (CIO) method clinicalized controlled crying. It has been sold to exhausted parents as a necessary rite of passage. The promise is simple: endure a few nights of heartbreak, and you will be rewarded with a child who “self-soothes.”

As an early years educator with over 20 years of experience, I’ve always known a different truth. Long before the latest neurological studies hit the mainstream, my understanding of secure attachment guided me to advise parents that leaving a baby to cry isn’t just difficult, it isn’t safe or secure for a child’s developing nervous system. I followed my instincts with the children in my family, then with my own babies, and today, the science is finally aligning with what our hearts have told us all along.

The Myth of “Self-Soothing”

One of the greatest misconceptions in modern parenting is that an infant can learn to soothe themselves. Biologically, infants lack the neurological hardware to regulate their own intense emotions.

When a baby is left to cry alone, their system is flooded with cortisol, the primary stress hormone. High levels of cortisol act cause synaptic loss during critical periods of brain development. When the crying eventually stops, it isn’t because the baby has found internal peace; it’s often because they have entered a state of learned helplessness.

The Biology of Silence: The infant brain shuts down to conserve energy when it realizes that its biological “alarm system” (crying) is not being answered. They haven’t learned to sleep; they’ve learned that no one is coming.

The Danish Shift: A National Stand Against CIO

While North America still struggles with “sleep training” culture, other parts of the world are taking formal stands. In Denmark, a country consistently ranked among the happiest in the world, there has been a significant professional uprising against the “good night and sleep well” method (their version of CIO).

Recently, over 700 Danish psychologists signed an open letter urging the National Board of Health to discourage these methods. Their concerns center on:

 * Attachment Integrity: The risk of damaging the foundational bond between parent and child.

 * Emotional Development: The potential for long-term anxiety and difficulty in adult relationships.

 * The “Invisible” Stress: Research showing that even when a baby stops crying, their cortisol levels remain as high as they were when they were screaming.

This movement reflects a broader Danish philosophy: that a child’s emotional security is the absolute priority and the investment of time and energy in the early years pays dividends for the rest of their lives. This has reinforced the substantial Early Years Study reported in the 1990s by Dr. Fraser Mustard and Dr. Margaret McCain.

The Long-Term Investment in Co-regulation

Choosing to respond to your child’s cries, even at 3:00 AM, is an investment. It is an investment in their prefrontal cortex, their ability to trust, and their future mental health.

Final Thoughts on Baby Sleep Wellness

Twenty-five years ago, my stance was seen as alternative. Today, it is increasingly seen as essential. Your instinct to pick up your baby is not a ‘bad habit’ it is your biology guiding you to protect your child’s brain. I will always be grateful to my immediate family for seeing the benefits in my children as they became more independent and for recognizing my commitment to early attachment for my beautiful developing humans.

I was always gentle talking to other caregivers because the CIO method is a perception problem backed by outdated science. As we evolve we learn to embody the reality of being human. An important reminder is this may involve perception change and having an infant who needs a great deal of soothing can be exhausting. Give yourself  space and time to receive help and mindfully nurture yourself. Have boundaries with yourself around capacity, network and ask for help.

At Roots & Wings, we believe that when we give children the “roots” of a secure, responsive environment, we give them the wings to thrive for a lifetime. It is always worth the time. It is always worth the energy. And most importantly, it is always right to listen to your heart. If you need an ally to listen to your heart contact Lisa for a discovery call.